I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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