So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
