I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
