Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
