I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
