Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
