i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize