It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
