i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
