I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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