just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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