Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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