Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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