he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
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we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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