I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
