So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
