idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
