Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
