Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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