so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Houston, we have a blender
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
