I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize