Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
