So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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