Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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