Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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