i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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