bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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