Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize