I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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