i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
