So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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