i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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