if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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