WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?