the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea