After last night, I could never be a politician.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.