I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name