but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.