I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair