I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize