i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
