woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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