What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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