maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
