So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize