We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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