Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
