My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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