you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
