I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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