Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize