so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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