the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
