If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?