is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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