I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
